Pedophilia and Me
4/15/2022
Edit: 7/17/2022
Recalling a memory where I sit on a rock outcropping ledge at the Sandia Tramway overlooking the city of Albuquerque with hot chocolate in hand and remember my seventeen year old self who asked “what now Lord Jesus” as I situate myself more comfortably on the cold stone. I looked back on my life to the instances that brought me great emotional pain and confusion but where these are the very roots to where my behavior and my regard for others changed, a pivotal point in my life clearly that moved me into young adulthood. What does this city have to offer a person like me that is heavily laden by the betrayal, treachery and brutality by all manner of figures of authority - priests, nuns, teachers, parents and extended family members? Clearly there was nothing here for me to hold on to I had reasoned as I considered a career in the Armed Forces more seriously. A place I thought where a sense of focus and commitment (action words of faith simply) would be welcomed and where I could be protected as well.
The question of Hope’s existence in meaningful work of my hands given by the product of my mind and enabled by opportunities and/or continuing higher education I sought to define in terms of direction but in where my pursuits towards any sense of happiness of my own may be obtained I questioned more carefully. Do I seek such things elsewhere, given that only in divine intervention in one’s journey through this life can change the heart and mind of anyone provided one is so inclined to question and seek out for themselves to begin with? But where can I find solace and peace as well in the chaos around me? The nation rips itself apart with the Vietnam War while the impact of devolved systems takes it’s toll on healthcare, education, and labor - given that solar technologies and other corporations move “quietly” to outsource labor and product manufacturing in the interest of “reducing costs” to the dismay and rightful outrage of citizens and where trying to make sense of it all makes no sense at all for my immature mind. It was best to just maintain a groove and move out of the way and finding that “groove” is where I was at, as the rhythm to the “vibes” sucked and proved meaningless.
Welcome to the 1970’s or the “age of innocence” where the “forgotten generation” came of age then only to now "get in the way" and question those unchanged observed influences of the world of what clearly were the embodied forces of honor and duty expressed in courage as they clashed with the face of overt treachery prompted/deflected by the hidden human forms of vanity and greed which are given now in terms of reason to what has always constituted a question of faithfulness itself - but as applied to one's self simply in the midst of the continued and now intensified swirling emotional collective tempests as one nation under God and where similarly the increased spiritual forces of incarnate evil doers who clearly are given to self-serving ‘advantage’ or Mammon simply. The face of evil remains the same obviously, whether it appeared yesterday or today, similarly the QUESTION of faithfulness remains and stands for each person to make a decision measured by time itself as God has ordained. Curious thing that in not making a decision, the decision is made regardless.
The willingness of many to betray another and where “love is cold” in the face of advantage is the norm today. A self-protective state of mind and heart I know well given it is the point of entry with childhood traumas in where the "spirit of Jezebel" enters bearing fruit with behaviors stemming from Vanity such as pride manifested in narcissism and where I was also part of that problem and not the solution as it were - as my heart was unmoved, self-seeking and indifferent as well … but "all forms of refuge has it’s price” - 1975 Eagles, “Lyin’ eyes” and I did not want to be HER. I wanted more out of life but as a child reduced and used as a thing for the satisfaction of others and in a perpetual state of emptiness and unfulfilled only to lend myself now to be further abused as a young adult woman and again be thrown away and where my military service proved to be on the very front lines of the intensified spiritual warfare battle front to which I was clearly unprepared for. Growing up is never easy and all manner of betrayals are painful regardless and where bitterness and resentment take root with a firm hold in our hearts, "bands" of bondage made tighter/worse by unforgiveness.
In the corner of my mind are all those memories where as a child I was made/groomed by apathetic neglect to be an object of sexual desire to an adult and where in my early teenage years I was also drugged, beaten and raped. The evil making/grooming by the world’s indifferent cruelty and then categorized as a common ‘psychological profile’ or given a “Scarlet Letter” if you will; a “product” made by reputation given by my conduct as a result of my choices in response to my environment and reduced to be nothing more than as a promiscuous woman, a whore by my own actions and conduct obviously and where there are little to no ideas of self-worth nor where noble expectations are nurtured. Much less am I capable of comprehending the bigger ideas of integrity and dignity as applied to oneself given the well established third rung Prussian education/religion systems persists and where such ideas of integrity and dignity are recognized or translated in the abstract sense to be as literal objects obtained through titles, fame, wealth and power and obviously false given the attitude remains unchanged but nonetheless illustrates fully Hosea 4: 6 - “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: …”
Satan’s lies are many; notwithstanding are those given by ‘men of science’ whose interests have repeatedly demonstrated a singular sense of self-serving PROFIT over nurturing the well being of another given by such as those of the devolved healthcare systems where specifically those that have researched the life of Sigmund Freud for example, have shared what knowledge they have found. A man of science and father of the mind, but a man unrestrained by his own lustful heart and mind as well. Unrepentant and unclean in a spiritual sense, and where his understanding of the mind is limited to the workings of the flesh and nothing more; given he similarly was heavily laden with the guilt and shame of his own ravenous heart and where such ideas of the spiritual nature of humanity he could never ever grasp or much less define in terms which could remove such burdens of emotional oppression and fracturing of the mind (or "double-mindedness) as he demonstrably rejected God - “Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 3: 7 - "the blind leading the blind". Such derision are upon all things or systems/devices of and to this world that serve Mammon and not God to which none in their “natural state” have insight into this phenomenon, and much less are able to overcome it - unless they choose being “reborn” simply which obviously changes that “state of being”.
Self evaluation and a righteous course of action is commanded by God, BEFORE one sits at the communion table so as not to drink instead of the cup of damnation, but where such concepts are foreign to the hedonistic mindset of gluttony simply.
The guilt and shame I felt for many years, compounded with my vanity and my own willfulness in selfishness, was lifted when I sought [Micah 7:9] and accepted God’s forgiveness and asked to be “reborn” [John 3: 3-5] from a miserable state of existence I was in and how I can openly speak by experience to these sexual crimes which continue to be perpetrated on children. Where, in my opinion, such denigrating abusive people, or demonic sadist simply, justly deserve the death penalty - as they refuse to live peacefully with others, namely children and/or are unwilling to work to foster confidence in positions of authority within institutions that garner public confidence but where INSTEAD use their positions of authority as advantage to prey on the vulnerable and weak among us as demonstrated by their own willfulness in this given course of action against the vulnerable - REPUGNANT AND INTOLERABLE. Furthermore, this penalty matters not as to "who" they believe they are, whether it be given by titles, fame, or wealth - politicians, law enforcement, clergy, actors, teachers, etc.. - no "respecter" of persons clearly or separate tiers of justice simply.
“But these as natural brute beasts, made to be taken and destroyed...”. 2 Peter 2: 12 - A JUST STANDARD OF CONDUCT.
Such “minor attracted persons” are no different than a common thief, but are more vicious and ravenous in taking what does not belong to them obviously but where such pleasure belongs to the person the individual has chosen to be “joined” to in Holy Matrimony. It is a fact that a woman carries and has made herself the dumping “ground” of each man’s cells she has had intercourse with to which no amount of “cleansing” can ever remove them and it is no wonder that incidence of cancer of the cervix specifically has increased and of which I am a survivor of by the Grace of God and where I faced my mortality [Micah 7: 9] in terms of questioning where my eternal resting place would be. These “minor attracted persons” are being made to be another form of “wolves in sheep’s clothing” as it were given by the overt stupidity of the ‘blind leading the blind’ under the banner of “inclusion” simply and are purveyors themselves of degeneracy itself obviously and have zero understanding of what edification means much less as applied to humanity as a whole. Such are more aptly described as "hateful birds" of prey as it were, like vultures, that sense/eyeball the weakness/death of the flesh and swoop in to pick off the flesh.
Is it reasonable for an adult to look upon a child for sexual gratification given the child looks to an adult for guidance and protection? Is it equitable? A resounding NO for the stated obvious reasons. Furthermore, this world bombards and exposes subject matter that the mind of a child is incapable of comprehending, given the abstract nature of much of it, and clearly through “human development” does a person reach the age in where navigating through abstract concepts develops during their late twenties and is expected by an adult world to function fully in society.
Clearly the intent behind this movement to legitimize “minor attracted person’s” is to destroy the very fabric of society as a whole by making children a commodity (Stockholm syndrome) accessible as objects of self serving sexual pleasure to be used, abused and later thrown away at will with no penalty whatsoever - given none exist in what is regarded or classified as “art forms”. Pornography has long made “children” the art medium itself, the idiom of art so the leap towards declaring them to be an open “map” commodity is not much of a stretch given the “elites” continued trafficking shadow businesses pandering while peddling in the science and art of body parts, the market supply of adrenochrome and in addition to sex slaves or just plain human trafficking. Ironic that all these “industries” have one thing in common? Thievery and where now the two thieves crucified with Christ the Lord Yeshua comes to mind, one accepted his wrong doing and asked to be remembered while the other mocked and challenged the Lord God. "LIFE imitating art" so to speak, but is as it was in the Garden of Eden with no point of reference to death itself given or where in other words, no sense of "interpretation" took place simply? "It worked once before right?" - incorporated by reference - "To be or not to be that is the question" - 9/16/2020.
Which then begs the question, what is dignity itself and can it be "purchased" and by Whom?
As I write these words on “good Friday” the day of remembrance in where our Lord Yeshua was beaten and crucified for mankind’s disobedience, I am grateful that our Father spared not His begotten Son and is the second perfect Adam in where His obedience unto death was exemplified and where the power of the Holy Spirit was known and exemplified as well as specifically shown through the resurrection of His body.
Through continued study in the Word of God through the years, and WORK to my own salvation [Philippians 2: 12] discovering each of the five heavenly crowns and where I have stored my treasures captured by moments in time, I have found our Lord to be very kind to those that obey and His mercies, as written, are renewed each day. I marvel how generous He is and gives more than is asked for and I delight in looking for Him in situations or events I face each day; but more importantly I am grateful that in all that I have grown to learn about the identity and nature of God, is that I am able to teach my grandchildren and anyone that seeks to understand what I have concluded; in that while this world may seem real, they are but moments or "selfies" captured and recorded in time. Memories, reserved for the time of judgement and just rewards right down to the intentions of the heart that are obviously hidden from others in this world but where are the only “things” we do take with us into the next world and where we stand now “naked” before Him; either to be excused by the blood of the Lamb followed by our acts of righteousness/integrity and just rewards, or to be accursed and condemned by our own conscience, given that the veil was torn to the "holy of holies" within our minds. The murmurings of the heart translated into clear imaginations of the mind and put into physical actions (or impetus) without the transfiguration power of the Holy Spirit, obviously rendering "religions" useless given the very definition to "religion" itself are "ideas about God taught by a man or group of men to the masses" and it matters not what they choose to call themselves as a denomination clearly. The quality of the moments spent with each other are what matter the most and more importantly is recognizing the fact that each of us are more than the sum of our outward physical parts as the fruit and gifts of the Holy Spirit reveal in practice and obedience but where sadly are often overlooked and few know the difference between what is the fruit and what are the gifts of the Holy Spirit and one remains unchanged with the same attitudes of bondage, vanity given by pride/narcissism, or the "mystery of inequity" simply. Our “environment”, as brutal as it can and may be, can and will never define us as a person, much less prevent any from seeking and accepting forgiveness or experience the trans-formative power of the Holy Spirit with a second chance at life itself and simply being a child of God - BUT, clearly the decisions each of us do make within those environments, are in fact what do define each of us as a person. Devaluing while undervaluing our personal or individual self-worth as a human being, a person, forms the collective herd of rooting swine with zero "integrity" in that course of action obviously and much sadder is hearing the rooting sounds of willful ignorance passed as blue ribbon trophies of fattened empty titles, fame or wealth given that the Mammon they choose to serve… serves itself.
"Woe to the crown of pride..." - Isaiah 28.
While we wait as a Church to be removed or "moved out of the way" from His coming wrath upon the earth’s inhabitants as prophecies concurrently unfold at great speed, as He promised He would make quick work of it, the final phase of our transfiguration is clearly at hand in our redemption "caught up" away from the stench of this vile world and where the dead first hear as I am reminded of by John 5 and where, what is "left" of this nation, pun intended, "...is become the inhabitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and cage of every unclean and hateful bird." Revelation 18: 2.
Be blessed people as we remember our Lord’s resurrection during Passover.
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